Kenny Miller has been simply amazing the first two matches of this season. I can only assume the aerodynamically-domed Scotsman has made off with some of YP Lee's secret stash, because he's looking younger, fitter, faster and more focused than last year. Marvellous stuff to see such a rejuvenation in the making.
Years of leading chants has taught me that you just can't go wrong with a Beatles tune. People will pick up on the tune right away, and they'll even hum or la-la-la their way through it if they don't know all the words.
So here's a brand new one, fresh from the oven, to serenade our big money striker from Scotland The Brave.
To the tune of: "Baby You're A Rich Man" - The Beatles
Kenny you're a rich man! Kenny you're a rich man! Kenny you're a rich man too! He keeps all his money in a shortbread tin For Irn Bru! What a thing to do!
If you haven't had Irn Bru before, you're missing out. It's a strangely delicious yet completely indescribable Scottish soft drink. It's orange in colour, but doesn't remotely taste like Orange Crush. I'm not going to even try to explain it, but feel free to ask Kenny, Rennie or @aftncanada .
Here's the corresponding music video. Jump ahead to the 1:15 mark.
A lot of people have asked me to post this one since I first belted it out at a Southsiders function a few nights before the first match of the season. This little earworm has apparently crawled into a few people's brains and has been gnawing at their grey matter ever since.
I can't take full creative credit - I heard a variation of this one online quite some time ago, but for the life of me I don't know where it was or who did it. At any rate, I've put our stamp on it for the good people of Vancouver, and I encourage you to channel your inner Johnny Rotten and growl it out as loud as you can.
To the tune of : "Anarchy In The UK" - Sex Pistols
Start it off with a few bars to mimic the rhythm of the guitars: doo-doo! doo-doo! doo-doo! dee-DOO-doo! doo-doo! doo-doo! doo-doo! dee-DOO-doo! doo-doo! doo-doo! doo-doo! dee-DOO-doo! doo-doo! doo-doo! doo-doo! dee-DOO-doo! I am a Vancouverite! I cheer for the blue and white! Know what I want, know how to get it (yelling:) I WANT TO DESTROY T-F-C!* Cos iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii wanna beeeeeeee White! Caps! FC!
Rinse and repeat, and you're off to the riots. *Substitute Mon-tre-al!, Se-att-le! Ed-mon-ton! etc
Welcome to Johnnie Monster FC, where the FC stands for "football chants" and the rest of us stand the full 90 minutes.
Some of you will know me through my long association with the Vancouver Southsiders. I was first introduced to the group during its humble beginnings all the way back in 1999, when a small but determined group of Vancouver 86ers fans came together to support the team the way soccer fans do at hundreds of storied grounds abroad - standing up, cheering, chanting and singing their guts out from first whistle to last.
Though I hardly knew a soul at those first few matches in Swangard's south end beer garden, it wasn't long before I found myself thoroughly swept up in dozens of great friendships that last to this day. Though we were small in numbers, we sang our hearts out match after match... because it just felt wrong not to. I knew very soon after joining in with this tremendous experience that I wanted to work with like-minded fans to bring authentic football supporters culture to "NoFuncouver." Call me crazy, but I had faith that with time, effort and persistence, it was possible to win over the hearts and minds of the doubting masses.
The road ahead was a long one indeed, for in those days our style of support was a truly alien concept to the typical North American sports fan. We endured scores of complaints from the "family friendly soccer-tainment" types. We were harassed endlessly by security. We were dismissed, mocked, ignored and cast aside as nerds and nutjobs with delusions of bringing something to Vancouver they felt we had no business pursuing: a good, noisy time at "the fitba."
Well guess what?
The video above shows the Southsiders on their first ever march from Doolin's Irish Pub to the Whitecaps' first match at BC Place in 2012. This thriving, bustling march just might be the best "I told you so!" moment I've ever experienced in my life, and it was frickin' glorious.
Now fast forward a year later: In the city where hockey reigns supreme, the Southsiders are held up as an example for how fans of the almighty Vancouver Canucks should aspire to be. Not bad, eh?
Over the years I've been proud to lend my support to some of the Southsiders' best moments on and off the pitch. It's not been easy to get where we are today. I've lost countless hours of sleep. I've sat on committees. I've written and reported. I've been interviewed. I've raised funds for charitable causes. I've fought with wealthy developers seeking to destroy our dreams of a waterfront stadium by turning the city against us. I've squared off against corporate executives who have tried to steal from the very people whose hard-earned cash makes soccer such a lucrative business. I've even endured a rancid shower of garbage thrown at me by an angry mob of Honduran supporters... all for football in Vancouver.
This year I fully retired from the leadership side of the Southsiders in anticipation of starting a family with my wife, who just might be the most patient and understanding Whitecaps widow in our city's history. Stepping back has given me the wonderful opportunity to get back to supporting the Caps without feeling like I'm shouldering an Atlas-sized burden of responsibilities around the clock. To my friends on the Southsiders board of directors (and all of our many other volunteers), thank you very much for stepping up and giving back - Vancouver simply doesn't get to enjoy this magic unless somebody is backstage stuffing bunnies into the top hats. You ladies and gentlemen rock. Take a bow.
I've often said that the only permanent jobs in football are the supporters. We'll outlast every last one of the modern football suits, and we will sing with joy as the doors hit their asses on the way out.
And that is where this blog comes in.
The Johnnie Monster FC blog is going to be a bit of an interesting experiment. There was a time not so long ago when my booming voice was loud enough to ensure the 200 people around me in the Swangard beer garden could quickly join in with whatever song, chant or cheeky nonsense I'd just come up with on the fly. BC Place, however, is a much larger beast to contend with... and at times it is a stone deaf, stubborn and immovable bastard.
With our numbers nearing 1,500 paid members scattered across multiple sections, it's only the first few rows of 251 who are subjected to the Monster's madness on match days. Maybe that's a good thing! On the other hand, if you're keen to spread the supporters gospel and make BC Place a little slice of Europa... lend me your ear, and I'll sing you a song... and I'll try not to sing out of key. =)
