The Whitecaps Twitter feed has been making use of the hashtag #HouseOfCaps lately. Something just clicked when I read it the other day, and it got me thinking of this great party tune that came out a few years ago.
The video is great fun too... I mean, who *hasn't* been chased through a park in the middle of the night by angry businessmen wearing luchador masks? Well I suppose that if it's still on your bucket list, the best way to cross it off is with an overnight away trip to Portland. Stranger things have happened!
To the tune of "Tongue Tied" by Grouplove:
Take me to Vancouver's house Buy my ticket in the south Ohhhh yeah! Take me to Vancouver's house We loved them then, we love them now Ohhhh yeah! Don't take me north side! Don't take me west side! Whoooooaaa! South-side! (shouting: "1-2-3-4!")
One of the problems with getting up there in years is that the great songs I listened to in my youth are fading into obscurity. If you try talking to your average 20-something about bands like Joy Division or Ultravox, they always seem give you this baffled look that leaves you feeling as though you've just wandered away from an old folks home. That's really a shame, because the pop and new wave hits of the 1980s are an absolute treasure trove of fantastic football chant material.
Kevin Bacon knows my pain. Preach on, brother:
Anyway, here's one of the most recognizable electropop tunes ever to survive the Cold War nukes of Mother Russia. Surely you young whippersnappers have heard this one before?
To the tune of "Bizarre Love Triangle" by New Order (jump to 2:10 mark)
First part mimics the song's main keyboard riff. Second part matches up with the lyrics.
Well, after a 10-month sabbatical to wrap my brain around my new role as father to my infant son (and future Canadian international, of course), I'm blowing the dust and cobwebs off the old keyboard and resurrecting the JMFC blog. There was a moment last week where I was feeding the kiddo in his high chair when I said to myself, "Damn it, Monster. There's only so much Dinosaur Train a grown man can handle before his mind wanders to dark places. Make yourself useful, FFS." So here we are.
The timing couldn't be better. Our beloved lads in Blue and White seem poised to move forward from the disappointments of last season, and the three ring circus of the pre-season. Last night was the 2014 Whitecaps home opener at BC Place, and what a night it was.
First, a fantastic tifo encompassing the entire south end to celebrate 40 years of Whitecaps memories. Huge credit goes to Brett Bird [ @brettness37 ] and his crew of budding artists and volunteers for pulling this one off without a hitch.
photo credit: @annanreid
To absolutely nobody's surprise, French superstar Thierry Henry declined the opportunity to join his New York Red Bulls teammates in Vancouver for the match. Again. That's four years running he's dodged the Whitecaps. He's been harder to find than Jonathan Leathers!
His reluctance presumably stems from concerns about sustaining injuries on Vancouver's horrible, horrible turf. That's somewhat understandable given that we had a HOCKEY RINK on top of it last week, but still! What a bastard! Either way, I wasn't going to let him off without a wee shot on Twitter:
As it stands, the best story of the night was Carl Robinson's impressive reboot of the Whitecaps.
Kenny Miller definitely had the crowd on its feet, starting with a PK from the spot in the first half, and a cheeky chip over top of the keeper in the second for the double. However it was our new South American midfielders that inspired me to get a few songs going in the Southside that seemed to catch on quite well.
First off, Seba Fernandez, our new midfielder / striker on loan from Uruguay. He was a dominant force on the wing, and launched a couple of eye-popping Howitzers at the NYRB goal. One of those found its way to the back netting, and damn near went through it. For this, I turned to a little Swedish disco pop.
To the tune of "Fernando" by ABBA (jump to the 1:25 mark):
He wears the blue and white He's gonna score all night Fernandez!
His fellow countryman, Nico Mezquida, came on as his replacement in the second half and was quick to show off some crafty ball control. No goals came for Nico this day, but he did get a great little tune.
Argentinian defensive mid Matias Laba put on an impressive display in partnership with Nigel Reo-Coker, but it was Chilean attacking mid Pedro Morales who left jaws on the floor with some fantastic ball distribution and a goal of his own. Laba and Morales are sure to earn songs of their own at some point in the future, but last night we celebrated all four of our new arrivals with a little classic rock.
To the tune of "It's Only Rock And Roll" by The Rolling Stones (jump to :48 seconds):
I-I-I-I-I know! It's only espanol But I like it! I-I-I-I-I know! It's only espanol But I like it! Like it! Yes I do!
Final score on the night was 4-1 to the good guys. There's still some rust to be shaken off in the squad, but that will come with time. I've got a good feeling about this year, so stick with me, folks - there's finally some fun and optimism on the horizon.
Cheers, @johnniemonster
Yesterday's post about the awful number of empty seats before kickoff absolutely resonated with Whitecaps fans who have been suckered into faithfully reading this blog since it started up last month. The post drew triple the typical traffic of my other posts, and for that I say thank you to all three of you. :p
In all seriousness, there's been some great discussion about Vancouver's chronic latecomers over at the Southsiders forum in the JMFC thread. If the situation bothers you as much as it bothers me, I encourage you to stop by for some perspective from other fans who share in your frustrations.
Since my previous post went live I received a great email from a fellow named Mark Dailey. He's a long time Whitecaps fan going back to the Swangard days, and he has only just very recently joined the Southsiders. I wanted to highlight Mark's impressions of the situation to illustrate the point that it's not just the ornery ol' season ticket holders and long-time Southsiders who feel there's something to grumble about here.
As you'll read below, Mark has only had the opportunity to attend the odd match here and there since the Whitecaps moved into MLS. As such, I think it's fair to say that the impression he's taking from these games would be comparable to a relative newcomer soaking up the BC Place "Latespotting" experience for the first few times.
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Hey Johnnie,
I read your blog a little earlier about the latecomers to the Caps matches. I've only been to two of the first three matches this year, but it [the empty seats] was something that I noticed as well on Saturday.
Now for one thing traffic getting into downtown was total shite for starters. We made the trek in from the suburban paradise otherwise known as Coquitlam and I was both shocked and frustrated that it took so long to get in. Add to that the line at the will-call ticket booth (which fortunately was very efficient) had me sweating that we might miss the opening kick-off for my son's first WFC match! We made it to our seats by the skin of our teeth and did not miss a single kick of the ball and I was very happy.
After we took our seats I took a look around and saw how many empty seats there were in the stadium. My first reaction was the it was going to totally suck balls and look totally bad on tv when I remembered that there was a mass of humanity lolling about on the concourse and outside the stadium. Once everyone took their seats attendance was pretty good, and although I didn't see the final figure I would estimate it to be around the 19.5k mark.
Want.
I can't honestly say why this happens here in Vancouver. I think people are lazy and spoiled and to a certain extent they think their doing the club a favour just by showing up. This is by no means a phenomena that is purely limited to the Caps, as I have seen it at Lions games as well. As for the Canucks I cannot honestly say since I have not been to a game in years.
It is quite bothersome to see and wish that people would get their acts together and show a little passion. We're a big club in a big league playing the most popular sport in the world. If people here don't realize that then they really need to wake up.
Do NOT want.
As for solutions, well mate I don't know I have any. I show up to as many matches as I can and I try to bring someone along with me who has never been before. This past weekend it was my four year old son, who although has been watching matches with me on TV, was a little reluctant to come and watch in person. Now that he's been he has instantly been hooked. I bought little WFC footballs for him and my daughter and for the rest of the weekend they were running around the house saying things like "Look at me I'm Camilo!" or "Pass it to Reo C!" That's pretty cool.
Other than that I wear the colours as often as possible. Soccer was never discussed at my office before I started working there and now we talk footy all the time. We'll talk about footy from far and wide, but it's mostly about the Whitecaps, which is cool. Perhaps I'm rambling, but I do agree that something needs to be done to pump it up like our Cascadian neighbours have. Hopefully things start to change sooner rather than later!
Keep up the good work. Enjoy reading the blog.
Cheers, Mark
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Mark followed his original email up with a few more details about his background, and the experiences that have shaped his viewpoints:
I've been going to the Lions for a long time, so I have always known what to expect at a game there, but when I came to my first WFC match last year I was instantly hooked. I'm a first generation Canadian who has had the good fortune to have been able to live both here and back 'home' (Holland) and have moved back and forth several times in my adult life.
When I went to my first match at BC Place I was shocked at how 'authentic' the atmosphere was and how there basically was no difference between the atmosphere between a match here and over there. So in a nutshell I guess you could say that I've become pretty hardcore over the past year. I'm not new to supporting our pro soccer teams here though since I used to be a regular at Swangard back in the early 90's (lots of good memories!). I'm also a new Southsider this season for what it's worth. I took in the TFC match from the Southside and it was brilliant! I had a great time!
I think a lot issues here in Vancouver are cultural ones. People aren't really that familiar with professional soccer here and I think that there is perhaps a perception that MLS is a second rate league and we'll never be mentioned in the same breathe as the bigger European leagues/clubs. There is also that frustrating attitude that you wrote about in your blog on how people always show up 15 minutes late (and also seem to leave 10 minutes early might I add).
I'm constantly working on my wife to get more interested in soccer. When we met it was 100% Canucks, and I successfully introduced her to the Lions and I'm hopeful she will soon become a Whitecaps supporter as well!
I guess what we can all do is just try and influence those who we come into contact with on a regular basis be that family, friends, co-workers, etc. I'm passionate about our club. This may sound a little strange to some, but I'm sure you'll understand where I'm coming from. I grew up supporting Manchester Unitedand have a whole pile of MUFC kits, but honestly nowadays when I throw on a kit or something else - it's not red and black. Those are collecting dust. The blue and white ones are getting worn out because they're getting used so much!
Cheers!
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"...and THIS is how you get to a fucking match on time!"
The Whitecaps are very lucky that there are fans out there like Mark who still see the massive potential for fun and excitement in spite of the thousands of so-called "fans" around him who can't be arsed to get themselves into the building on time.
This issue really makes me angry. It just seems so awfully disrespectful to the players. These guys - a lot of them young kids - are busting their asses to become elite athletes. Some day the Koffies and Teiberts of our team may be playing elsewhere, perhaps in Italy, France or Germany. They could make the big time under the international spotlight. When the press ask these guys about their humble beginnings in Vancouver, how is it going to reflect on us as a city and as a fanbase when they look in the cameras and say:
"Well.... it was okay, I guess. The fans were all right.... but it's much better here."
In my last post I mentioned how the poor optics of empty seats have the potential to damage the club's opportunities for landing and retaining corporate sponsors. Something I didn't even consider was the impact that this situation could have on the club's ability to draw the next Kenny Miller, Nigel Reo-Coker or Y.P. Lee from a more comfortable and lucrative career abroad to play Major League Soccer in Vancouver.
Make no mistake about it - atmosphere is a selling point for potential players as much as it is for ticket purchasers. No professional footballer wants to play in front of a stadium full of crickets chirping under seatcovers. This sport is their livelihood. If they're going to make the move across the pond, they want to go somewhere they are confident that football matters as much to the supporters as it does to them.
Vancouver and her Cascadia brethren can and should be within the top five picks for any players abroad considering a career in North America. But if the Whitecaps and the supporters who really, truly love and believe in the club can't fire up the reluctant and sluggish aspect of our fanbase, we're in for some real uphill struggles on many different fronts.
Bad stadium habits have a reputation for spreading like a cancer amongst the casuals, and once they set in, it's difficult to carve them out. Perhaps we supporters need to start a pre-match shame campaign? Something along the lines of "We can see you sneaking in?" Essentially the opposite of this:
What do you think can be done to get asses in seats before kickoff? Send your suggestions, thoughts, threats and bribes to johnniemonster@gmail.com
The Monday morning earworm has bit me once again. I remember bopping along to the inspiration for this chant when I was a little kid stuck in a hospital bed at Surrey Memorial after having my tonsils removed. Mom taped it for me from good ol' LG73, and she managed to get the whole thing without the DJ talking over the end of it. It was right before Human League and right after Phil Collins.
I'm having a laugh right now because I know that most of our younger Whitecaps fans have never heard of LG73, Constable Bob or the Morning Zoo, and how much those things were a part of Vancouver's pop culture during the Expo era. Even fewer will have firsthand experience with the frustration of having a chatty radio DJ botch the end of their perfect radio mix tape.
Either way, this one sounds like a keeper to me. Perhaps it needs a bit of clapping somewhere in there?
To the tune of "Maneater" by Hall & Oates:
Whoa-oa here we come Watch out boys, we'll chew you up! Whoa-oa here we come We're Vancouver!
What a disaster Chivas USA has been. On the pitch, off the pitch. If ever there was a failed experiment in shameless pandering to multicultural communities, it was this. Or the BC government #QuickWins scandal. But definitely this.
You may be interested to know that I have acquired a transcript from a 2004 board meeting at MLS headquarters that reveals exactly how this abomination of a marketing disaster came to fruition.
Have a read, and enjoy the absurdity. There's a nifty little chant further below for use at the next Whitecaps away viewing party.
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Don Garber: Well fellas, I've just got word that the supporters in the Pacific Northwest have created a trophy to celebrate their regional derby. As such, I'm devoting a vast majority of the league's resources to stealing it from them helping supporters protect their brand from devious third party interests who might seek to tarnish their silverware through vulgar corporate sponsorships. Our efforts will be a stealth operation, completely under the radar, and entirely unknown to the supporters we are fucking over valiantly defending. Our efforts are supported by important strategic partnerships with Blockbuster Video and several sub-prime mortgage lenders to ensure financial stability in the decades to come. Great idea, right? Well that's the kind of long-term thinking I want to see from you guys. So keeping that in mind, who has some ideas for expanding the league?
Suit #1: Maybe we should look to the Pacific Northwest then? There's great history there that goes back to the 1970s, and the clubs are well supported.
Don Garber: No, I think that's a bit premature. I think we need to spend a few years scheming to steal their cup observing their operations from afar before making any hasty decisions that could reflect poorly on the league.The last thing we want is to earn a bush league reputation when we're presently on par with the English Premiership in terms of international prestige.
Suit #2: Wait a second... you know who likes soccer? MEXICANS!
Suit #1: You're right, but... America is a country of 300 million people. How on earth are we going to sift through them all to find the Mexicans?
Don Garber: I hear the state of Arizona is also sifting though their population looking for Mexicans. Now why would they do such a.... OMFG! Are they starting their own league?
Suit #2: No! I have this all figured out! We go to LOS ANGELES! There are Mexicans in Los Angeles, and Major League Soccer will pander to reward this very important soccer-loving demographic!
Don Garber: But Los Angeles already has a team...
Suit #2: But they don't have a MEXICAN team for all the Mexicans!
Suit #1: He's right! This is a formula for success! Let's launch an expansion team in our FLAGSHIP MARKET and reap the rewards! After all, who wants to settle for one cookie when you can have two!
Suit #1: By cookie I think you mean "enchilada," don't you?
Uproarious laughter echoes into the night. Finally, an awkward silence settles in. Don Garber has a solemn look on his face. He's had a realization. He knows what needs to be done.
Suit #1: What is it Don?
Don Garber: There are two things we need to do to ensure this expansion effort makes good financial sense. First, we are not going to forge ahead with some new team of comprised of random Mexican players... oh, no. We are going to clone an EXISTING team from Mexico... one that already has a dedicated and committed fan base... and we are going to bring them to Major League Soccer.
Suit #2: I have every confidence that there is virtually noooo-oo-oo chance that this will alienate Los Angeles supporters of other Mexican clubs and polarize them against us. I am certain of this. Now what else, Dear Leader, what must be done?
Garber leans back in his seat and puts his feet up on the table. He lights a smoke and scratches his junk.
Don Garber: Our team of "MexiClones?" Yeah, they're gonna play in the SAME STADIUM as our flagship franchise. It's foolproof. I hope you boys enjoy counting money!
Fast forward to 2013 and imagine the crickets chirping:
Ouch.....
Which brings us to the chant du jour. It's a fun and silly tune that you'll recall from a bygone era when Seattle was slightly more tolerable than it is now, thanks largely to its music scene.
To the tune of "Peaches" - Presidents Of The United States Of America:
All right folks, time to share my earworm of the week.
I recently heard blast from the past on the radio that immediately implanted the seeds for a Whitecaps chant into the fertile soils of my brain. I don't know how I hadn't thought of this one sooner. It meets all of the necessary criteria for Monster-approved chants: 1) Simple. 2) Repetitive. 3) Recognizable. I hope you enjoy it.
Our inspiration comes all the way from 1987, a time when popular musical genres were bending and blending to such an extent that virtually any band that appealed to young people was called "alternative." Such is the case of a little band from Athens, Georgia that made the leap from college radio to international superstardom.
No, it's not these guys...
It's these guys!
To the tune of "The One I Love" - R.E.M.
This one goes out to the one I love This one goes out to the team I stand behind A simple song To occupy my time This one goes out to the blue and white
Now follow the verse above with this bit below... generally follow the tune of the lead guitar part that kicks in at the 1:45 mark.
Whoa! La-la-la-la! Whoa! La-la-la-la! Whoa! La-la-la-la! La-la la-la laaaaa la! This one goes out to the blue and white
PS: I'd like to apologize to all you kids out there under the age of 30 with confused looks on their faces. These little boxes in my blog... you know, the ones that play songs along with the weird art school film shit... these are called "music videos." Years ago we had these channels called MuchMusic and MTV, and they would show these "music videos" all day. There were no shows about daft teen moms, orange-skinned douchebags or big-bootied Kardashians. Just music... and only music.
Your generation sucks and will be remembered in history accordingly. :p
It's Friday! End of the week! It's a magical day that can mean a lot of different things to different people. Let's take a spin around YouTube and see what sort of songs people throughout Metro Vancouver are singing to celebrate.
We will start off with Metrotown's militia of teenage coffee baristas and the good folks at the G.F. Strong Brain Injury Clinic:
Not exactly appealing? Ok, why don't we skip ahead to a tune that is a particular favourite of the Surrey Central SkyTrain Fare Evaders Men's Choir?
For those of us who support the Whitecaps, Friday has a much different meaning. Half of all Fridays in 2013 will also be the eve of a Whitecaps game (we have 27 matches on Saturdays this season). What a fantastic way to celebrate the end of the work week!
Years ago, long before Vancouver even had a whiff of MLS expansion, people would often ask me about those crazy Southsiders at Swangard, and the concept of supporters groups in general - namely, "Why?"
There are many easy answers to this question when considered at surface level. Sports are fun. Fresh air and tailgate parties are fun. Cracking jokes and taking the piss out of the visitors are fun.
But the more I thought about it, the more I came to realize that there was more to it than that. It wasn't just about the entertainment factor. Those matches were about escapism. By standing with the Southsiders and other Whitecaps fans, it was my way of making a sneaky exit from my life as a 9 to 5 worker bee who was enslaved to the almighty dollar. For me, football was (and still is) the antithesis of toil and drudgery - it's freedom, even if it comes with sore lungs and the occasional heartache.
Football terraces and beer gardens are society's greatest equalizer. Vancouver's soccer supporters come from all walks of life, united in support of the Whitecaps. When we march to the match, the voice of the impoverished student reverberates with the same resonance as the wealthiest doctor. When we clap in the stadium, the young girl from Langley chops the air with just as much ferocity as the old man from North Van. When we gather as a tribe to cheer for our beloved team, the lines that so often divide our society tend to disappear. I believe it was famed diplomat and Nobel Peace Prize winner Dr. Henry Kissinger who put it best when he said "That's fucking awesome."
Friday is worth celebrating. It's where the hope of escape from the rat race begins. Let's show some love and appreciation for those who will help us sneak under the fence at dawn.
To the tune of "Friday I'm In Love" - The Cure
When I see the white and blue I raise my scarf and sing so true [Opponent] I don't care 'bout you Vancouver - I'm in love! Chorus: Whoa-oh! Oh-oh! Oooooh! Oh oh oooooh! Whooooa! oh-oh-oh! Vancouver - I'm in love!
In the good old days at Swangard, the Southsiders stood at pitch level about 10 feet behind the southern goal. That made for some interesting interactions with visiting goalkeepers, as they often found themselves subjected to a barrage of insults about their mothers, girlfriends and personal misfortunes.
Take RSL keeper Josh Saunders, for instance (seen here playing for LA Galaxy). Between 2003 - 2008 he played for several second division clubs, including the Portland Timbers, the Puerto Rico Islanders and Miami FC.
In 2007 the Timbers eliminated the Whitecaps 3-1 on aggregate in the first round of the USL playoffs. The story goes that Saunders hit the pubs with his teammates to celebrate their victory, and later that night he was arrested after he was caught drunk driving at high speed through a construction zone.
From that point forward, this is what Saunders heard every time he touched the ball in Vancouver:
There's another visiting goalkeeper whose name escapes me at the moment... we found out he had briefly dated a smoking hot swimwear model who dumped him to shack up with one of the Backstreet Boys. Now imagine you're that poor bastard, slogging it out for a semi-professional soccer team. You come to Vancouver to earn an honest wage, and suddenly find your personal life has inspired an entire beer garden of rowdy Canadians to taunt you with a special rendition of "Tell Me Why (I'm Such A F---ing Loser!)"
Oh, and did I mention that we held up photos of his ex-girlfriend to remind him what a schmuck he was?
No matter what way you cut it, it's our job as supporters to get under the skin of the visiting keeper. Supporters DO influence what happens on the pitch. If you can get into their head, they are not giving the match their full concentration... and that can mean the difference between a great save for the visitors or a cheeky goal for the Whitecaps.
So without further adieu, I encourage you to partake in this lovely Southsiders classic inspired by one of Vancouver's best bands of the 80s.
To the tune of "Eyes Of A Stranger" - Payola$
Your keeper senses a danger He's got the hands of a wanker! Your keeper sees a danger He's got the haaaaaaaaaands of a wanker!
The best example for this kicks in at the 1:48 mark.
Another Whitecap who has impressed in the early matches of the young 2013 season is Nigel Reo-Coker. He's a midfield maestro who has an impressive resume that includes stints at Wimbledon, West Ham, Aston Villa, Bolton and Ipswich Town.
Now maybe you've already seen this and washed out your eyesockets with bleach... you usually have to go to the Mirage nightclub in Surrey if you want to see track pants and baby fat of this caliber:
Sorry about that, but there's a point to this, I swear! That sassy little chant has followed NRC from club to club in the UK, and I've heard it at BC Place a few times too. It is actually derived from this painful abomination of 80s British pop music:
That's Black Lace performing "Do The Conga" in 1984. If I ever acquire a DeLorean and some black market plutonium, I will travel through time and prevent this from happening. ALL OF IT.
In the mean time, what can we possibly do to rectify this horrifying injustice that has been inflicted upon our eyes and ears?
How about this? To the tune of "Rio" by Duran Duran:
His name is Reo-Coker Catch him if you can He plays for Van-cou-ver And he's the f---ing man!
Note to the Southsiders on-field capos... if you are asked about this one by the Whitecaps FO, that last line quite clearly says "And he's an English man." Foul language at football? Never!
Jump to the 1:00 mark of this video for the chorus. Cheers!
Kenny Miller has been simply amazing the first two matches of this season. I can only assume the aerodynamically-domed Scotsman has made off with some of YP Lee's secret stash, because he's looking younger, fitter, faster and more focused than last year. Marvellous stuff to see such a rejuvenation in the making.
Years of leading chants has taught me that you just can't go wrong with a Beatles tune. People will pick up on the tune right away, and they'll even hum or la-la-la their way through it if they don't know all the words.
So here's a brand new one, fresh from the oven, to serenade our big money striker from Scotland The Brave.
To the tune of: "Baby You're A Rich Man" - The Beatles
Kenny you're a rich man! Kenny you're a rich man! Kenny you're a rich man too! He keeps all his money in a shortbread tin For Irn Bru! What a thing to do!
If you haven't had Irn Bru before, you're missing out. It's a strangely delicious yet completely indescribable Scottish soft drink. It's orange in colour, but doesn't remotely taste like Orange Crush. I'm not going to even try to explain it, but feel free to ask Kenny, Rennie or @aftncanada .
Here's the corresponding music video. Jump ahead to the 1:15 mark.
A lot of people have asked me to post this one since I first belted it out at a Southsiders function a few nights before the first match of the season. This little earworm has apparently crawled into a few people's brains and has been gnawing at their grey matter ever since.
I can't take full creative credit - I heard a variation of this one online quite some time ago, but for the life of me I don't know where it was or who did it. At any rate, I've put our stamp on it for the good people of Vancouver, and I encourage you to channel your inner Johnny Rotten and growl it out as loud as you can.
To the tune of : "Anarchy In The UK" - Sex Pistols
Start it off with a few bars to mimic the rhythm of the guitars: doo-doo! doo-doo! doo-doo! dee-DOO-doo! doo-doo! doo-doo! doo-doo! dee-DOO-doo! doo-doo! doo-doo! doo-doo! dee-DOO-doo! doo-doo! doo-doo! doo-doo! dee-DOO-doo! I am a Vancouverite! I cheer for the blue and white! Know what I want, know how to get it (yelling:) I WANT TO DESTROY T-F-C!* Cos iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii wanna beeeeeeee White! Caps! FC!
Rinse and repeat, and you're off to the riots. *Substitute Mon-tre-al!, Se-att-le! Ed-mon-ton! etc
Welcome to Johnnie Monster FC, where the FC stands for "football chants" and the rest of us stand the full 90 minutes.
Some of you will know me through my long association with the Vancouver Southsiders. I was first introduced to the group during its humble beginnings all the way back in 1999, when a small but determined group of Vancouver 86ers fans came together to support the team the way soccer fans do at hundreds of storied grounds abroad - standing up, cheering, chanting and singing their guts out from first whistle to last.
Though I hardly knew a soul at those first few matches in Swangard's south end beer garden, it wasn't long before I found myself thoroughly swept up in dozens of great friendships that last to this day. Though we were small in numbers, we sang our hearts out match after match... because it just felt wrong not to. I knew very soon after joining in with this tremendous experience that I wanted to work with like-minded fans to bring authentic football supporters culture to "NoFuncouver." Call me crazy, but I had faith that with time, effort and persistence, it was possible to win over the hearts and minds of the doubting masses.
The road ahead was a long one indeed, for in those days our style of support was a truly alien concept to the typical North American sports fan. We endured scores of complaints from the "family friendly soccer-tainment" types. We were harassed endlessly by security. We were dismissed, mocked, ignored and cast aside as nerds and nutjobs with delusions of bringing something to Vancouver they felt we had no business pursuing: a good, noisy time at "the fitba."
Well guess what?
The video above shows the Southsiders on their first ever march from Doolin's Irish Pub to the Whitecaps' first match at BC Place in 2012. This thriving, bustling march just might be the best "I told you so!" moment I've ever experienced in my life, and it was frickin' glorious.
Now fast forward a year later: In the city where hockey reigns supreme, the Southsiders are held up as an example for how fans of the almighty Vancouver Canucks should aspire to be. Not bad, eh?
Over the years I've been proud to lend my support to some of the Southsiders' best moments on and off the pitch. It's not been easy to get where we are today. I've lost countless hours of sleep. I've sat on committees. I've written and reported. I've been interviewed. I've raised funds for charitable causes. I've fought with wealthy developers seeking to destroy our dreams of a waterfront stadium by turning the city against us. I've squared off against corporate executives who have tried to steal from the very people whose hard-earned cash makes soccer such a lucrative business. I've even endured a rancid shower of garbage thrown at me by an angry mob of Honduran supporters... all for football in Vancouver.
This year I fully retired from the leadership side of the Southsiders in anticipation of starting a family with my wife, who just might be the most patient and understanding Whitecaps widow in our city's history. Stepping back has given me the wonderful opportunity to get back to supporting the Caps without feeling like I'm shouldering an Atlas-sized burden of responsibilities around the clock. To my friends on the Southsiders board of directors (and all of our many other volunteers), thank you very much for stepping up and giving back - Vancouver simply doesn't get to enjoy this magic unless somebody is backstage stuffing bunnies into the top hats. You ladies and gentlemen rock. Take a bow.
I've often said that the only permanent jobs in football are the supporters. We'll outlast every last one of the modern football suits, and we will sing with joy as the doors hit their asses on the way out.
And that is where this blog comes in.
The Johnnie Monster FC blog is going to be a bit of an interesting experiment. There was a time not so long ago when my booming voice was loud enough to ensure the 200 people around me in the Swangard beer garden could quickly join in with whatever song, chant or cheeky nonsense I'd just come up with on the fly. BC Place, however, is a much larger beast to contend with... and at times it is a stone deaf, stubborn and immovable bastard.
With our numbers nearing 1,500 paid members scattered across multiple sections, it's only the first few rows of 251 who are subjected to the Monster's madness on match days. Maybe that's a good thing! On the other hand, if you're keen to spread the supporters gospel and make BC Place a little slice of Europa... lend me your ear, and I'll sing you a song... and I'll try not to sing out of key. =)
