Payola$ - "Hands Of A Wanker"

In the good old days at Swangard, the Southsiders stood at pitch level about 10 feet behind the southern goal. That made for some interesting interactions with visiting goalkeepers, as they often found themselves subjected to a barrage of insults about their mothers, girlfriends and personal misfortunes.

Take RSL keeper Josh Saunders, for instance (seen here playing for LA Galaxy). Between 2003 - 2008 he played for several second division clubs, including the Portland Timbers, the Puerto Rico Islanders and Miami FC.

In 2007 the Timbers eliminated the Whitecaps 3-1 on aggregate in the first round of the USL playoffs. The story goes that Saunders hit the pubs with his teammates to celebrate their victory, and later that night he was arrested after he was caught drunk driving at high speed through a construction zone.

From that point forward, this is what Saunders heard every time he touched the ball in Vancouver:

There's another visiting goalkeeper whose name escapes me at the moment... we found out he had briefly dated a smoking hot swimwear model who dumped him to shack up with one of the Backstreet Boys. Now imagine you're that poor bastard, slogging it out for a semi-professional soccer team. You come to Vancouver to earn an honest wage, and suddenly find your personal life has inspired an entire beer garden of rowdy Canadians to taunt you with a special rendition of "Tell Me Why (I'm Such A F---ing Loser!)"

Oh, and did I mention that we held up photos of his ex-girlfriend to remind him what a schmuck he was?

No matter what way you cut it, it's our job as supporters to get under the skin of the visiting keeper. Supporters DO influence what happens on the pitch. If you can get into their head, they are not giving the match their full concentration... and that can mean the difference between a great save for the visitors or a cheeky goal for the Whitecaps.

So without further adieu, I encourage you to partake in this lovely Southsiders classic inspired by one of Vancouver's best bands of the 80s.

To the tune of "Eyes Of A Stranger" - Payola$

Your keeper senses a danger
He's got the hands of a wanker!
Your keeper sees a danger
He's got the haaaaaaaaaands of a wanker!

The best example for this kicks in at the 1:48 mark.

Enjoy!
@johnniemonster