Big Ridge Is A Big Deal

The Whitecaps match away to Chivas has concluded. I am hoarse and disappointed from the result, but far from heartbroken. Our boys in blue and white were done in by an awful curveball of an own goal, but otherwise showed tremendous promise as a gutsy attack-minded team that has allllllmost got their shit together. We're not quite there, but we're on the verge. Patience.

One thing you will not have to wait long for is a freshly poured beverage of your choosing at Big Ridge Brewing Company, the Southsiders' new "South of the Fraser" pub partner. Sweet mercy, our server worked the room like Kekuta Manneh on rocket fuel, and I don't think my glass sat empty longer than a minute without an offer to top it up. Well done, Sara C. Those efforts were nothing short of heroic.

I had been to Big Ridge a few times in the past, but tonight was my first excursion there to join my fellow Southsiders for an away game viewing. It's located at the corner of 152 Street and Highway 10 (56 Avenue). If you come to Surrey by SkyTrain, they even have a shuttle that will be dispatched to pick you up at King George Station, and it will take you back there once the evening's tomfoolery and shenanigans have come to an end (call ahead to make arrangements).

The pub side of the venue was decked out in scarves hung with care from the light fixtures, and the bar staff were wearing the Southsiders "Never Mind The Bollocks" and Subbuteo shirts. Over on the restaurant side, Southsiders and other Whitecaps fans took up a good number of tables while watching the match on the big screens.

It goes without saying that there were more people watching the game at Big Ridge than the Home Depot Center.

This is the view from near the entrance to the pub side. There's quite a few more tables just out of the frame, but all were filled with cheery, optimistic Whitecaps fans. Full marks to the pub for giving us priority during a simultaneous broadcast of a Canucks game - it was the Caps game you heard on the overhead sound, while the Canucks skated silently through their latest embarassment in Edmonton. 

Much credit has to be given to Rob Wheeler, a Southsider who recognized there was a real need for a soccer-friendly suburban venue to complement the group's existing partnership with Doolin's Irish Pub in downtown Vancouver. Through word of mouth and social media he has grown small gatherings of Caps fans  into worthwhile community events that really bring supporters together. As word spreads, these viewing parties are only going to get better, so be sure to give Big Ridge a try.

It doesn't hurt that the food is fantastic, either. Today I tried the beer battered garlic fries, and let me tell you, the name does not do those things justice. Forget every preconceived notion you have about fries served at a pub. These were crispy on the outside, fluffy on the inside, well seasoned with garlic, shallots, jalapeno and... dear mother of god... is that a hint of cinnamon and sugar?  These are almost a hybrid of proper British chips and, if you can believe it, Those Little Donuts from the PNE. Put them in your face hole immediately! You will thank me later, and when you do, I sincerely hope your gratitude will be shown in the form of purchasing more of these delicious garlic fries and shoveling them into my gaping maw.

So here was the damage tonight... not bad at all. It only shows two free pop refills on there, but I'm damn sure I hit double digits.

It's always great to see our membership perks materializing outside of BC Place. Don't ever lose sight of the fact that supporters who work together can become a highly desirable and influential demographic with a little bit of effort. What I'm talking about goes beyond soccer. There is real strength in numbers and unity, and businesses in the Lower Mainland are starting to recognize what groups like the Southsiders bring to the table.

Big Ridge Brewing Company: thanks for letting us bring the party to your doorstep.You've been great hosts so far and we're looking forward many more matchdays under your excellent hospitality.

Cheers,

@johnniemonster

Rain City Brigade: East Van 's Heart Beats On At BC Place

This past week I reached out to some of the growing number of supporters groups who are helping stomp out the city's No-Funcouver reputation chant by chant, scarf by scarf, beer by beer.
 
This week we start things off with the Rain City Brigade.

We caught up with founding member Mike Kruk, and he was gracious enough to do a very lengthy Q&A to help introduce his crew to the rest of the city.

We covered a tremendous amount of ground, so much in fact that I'm holding quite a bit of it back for now. It's my intention to visit a few specific issues in future postings that relate to the growing supporters movement, such as ticket prices, pub culture and stadium policies that are either helping or hindering the efforts of supporters to be at their best.  Mike provided some great stuff from the RCB perspective, but for now we'll just stick with the introductions, the basics, the how do you do's. Be sure to revisit this blog as I bring those other important discussions forward later.

__________________________________________________

JMFC:     Tell us about the formation of your supporters club... how has your group grown over the past couple of seasons? 

Mike:     Basically we were a group well before our brand and name of Rain City Brigade came about. We were a core group of about 10-20 friends who have been going to VWFC games for many years now. It wasn't until the move to Empire where we decided to try to all get tickets together. This worked a bit, as there was a vast difference in the desired price, but wasn't perfect. Then again, once the move to BC Place came, we decided to once and for all move to one single section, that being 248 (VWFC FO gave us that section as it was the only lot available), and claim it as our own. We then came up with the name, designed a logo, and branded ourselves RCB.

The group officially began in 2010-2011 season with around 20 people. We are currently sitting around 125 members at the start of the 2013 season. Our growth is generally attributed to our organic approach to having fun and supporting the team; that being, meet up, drink beer, and see friends, all while supporting the team we love.

JMFC:     What sort of factors do you think are driving that growth?  

Mike:     Driving our growth is two things. We are not about having a strict regiment for chants, etc. We chant what we want to chant, when we want to chant. No predetermined timings, no routine to follow, we just go off the vibe of the game and the crowd. The other force attracting people I believe is our brand. The idea behind the clothing/merch/etc that I designed is that I wanted to make something I would gladly wear anytime, not just at a Whitecaps game. Most of the initial members in the group are of a similar style, kind of old school east Vancouver punk rockers/skateboarders, so most of us don't wear jerseys or team colours as a fashion sense. The black and white colours, the themes of the logos, and the look of the merch more fit with our own personal style.

People who know what RCB is, will know it supports the VWFC, but if you don't know what RCB is and you see the logo, it encourages you to ask about it. This seems to attract people to the group and get people talking. Both are good traits of a logo design and brand. 

JMFC:     Supporters groups are congregating at a variety of locations around BC Place. What has been the match day reaction / response from non-members near your section? Do you reach out to them in any way ? Do you try to engage them in what you are doing, or do you just let those who are interested in your style of support come to you?    

Mike:     With our section, 248, it has been a mixed bag.  We are on the cusp of the "supporters sections," and there is a soft line between 248/246 which is not defined by a staircase or anything. Occasionally this means we have to explain why were are not sitting down and why we are yelling like crazy. Nobody has really had a problem with it, we have just found a education gap there. This generally applies to one off tickets for the games, as to the season ticket holders in the section, they enjoy having us there (from what they have told us anyways). Within the first few games at BC Place people were asking us what we were about, so we would explain and invite them to our events at the bar before the match. Sometimes give them some free swag to make them feel included. It generally has been a success.

An interesting thing we have noticed, which I'm sure the other groups experience as well, is that after the halftime break, we always have a few dozen more people in our section. They just pile in and want in on the action. Sometimes they join up after, sometimes we never see them again. But everyone has fun.

JMFC:     Each supporters group has its own style of support. What is unique about your group’s identity and personality that sets you apart from others at BC Place? 

Mike:     Well, I think we just are there to have a good time and support the team. We don't desire to be the largest group, or the oldest group, or even the group with the most flags, we just want to drink beer, have fun, and be with our friends.  That, and our East Van edge, and the fact that we don't take ourselves too seriously make us a bit more unique then the other groups.

JMFC:     You’ve been handed a magic wand. The instruction manual says “Wave this wand at BC Place, and 20,000 people will participate in ONE song or chant of your choice for 15 minutes.”  What's your pick?

Mike:     Another tough one. To be selfish, I'd like to see our "Goals" chant kick in one day [Editor's note: It's posted at the end of the article].  But in a real world, it would have to be to a chant that we don't have yet. As supporters for the team, all of the individual groups need to figure out a single chant that will raise the spirits of anyone who hears it, make them want to join in and will invoke fear into the visiting team and fans. Seattle has their "Take em all," Portland has their "Portland Boys," and we don't have anything really yet.

This will be a difficult endeavour until all the supporter groups for the VWFC come together and create an over-arching name for team supporters. We can keep our own names, our own brand, etc, but we need some kind of singular name to represent the VWFC supporters, and this is where the decision by the FO needs to be influenced.

My personal first place winner for what song to use is  The Exploited - "What You Gonna Do." Great old-school Scottish punk band if you don't know them.

__________________________________________________

Thanks to Mike and everyone at RCB for bringing the noise at BC Place. They've been a great asset to the betterment of match day atmosphere, and I'm personally looking forward to singing my guts out alongside them during Cascadia awaydays.

If you're looking for more info about the RCB, I suggest visiting their Facebook page or following @raincitybrigade on Twitter.

Now here's that chant Mike is hoping will catch on... it's catchy, it's recognizable and it has great potential if Whitecaps fans give themselves permission to have a little fun once in a while. There's a YouTube video underneath to give you a sense of the tune.

Cheers,

@johnniemonster

Presidents Of The USA - "Chivas"

What a disaster Chivas USA has been. On the pitch, off the pitch. If ever there was a failed experiment in  shameless pandering to multicultural communities, it was this. Or the BC government #QuickWins scandal. But definitely this.

You may be interested to know that I have acquired a transcript from a 2004 board meeting at MLS headquarters that reveals exactly how this abomination of a marketing disaster came to fruition.

Have a read, and enjoy the absurdity. There's a nifty little chant further below for use at the next Whitecaps away viewing party.

________________________

Don Garber: Well fellas, I've just got word that the supporters in the Pacific Northwest have created a trophy to celebrate their regional derby. As such, I'm devoting a vast majority of the league's resources to stealing it from them helping supporters protect their brand from devious third party interests who might seek to tarnish their silverware through vulgar corporate sponsorships. Our efforts will be a stealth operation, completely under the radar, and entirely unknown to the supporters we are fucking over valiantly defending. Our efforts are supported by important strategic partnerships with Blockbuster Video and several sub-prime mortgage lenders to ensure financial stability in the decades to come. Great idea, right? Well that's the kind of long-term thinking I want to see from you guys. So keeping that in mind, who has some ideas for expanding the league?

Suit #1: Maybe we should look to the Pacific Northwest then? There's great history there that goes back to the 1970s, and the clubs are well supported.

Don Garber: No, I think that's a bit premature. I think we need to spend a few years scheming to steal their cup observing their operations from afar before making any hasty decisions that could reflect poorly on the league.The last thing we want is to earn a bush league reputation when we're presently on par with the English Premiership in terms of international prestige.

Suit #2: Wait a second... you know who likes soccer? MEXICANS!

Suit #1: You're right, but... America is a country of 300 million people. How on earth are we going to sift through them all to find the Mexicans? 

Don Garber: I hear the state of Arizona is also sifting though their population looking for Mexicans. Now why would they do such a.... OMFG! Are they starting their own league?

Suit #2: No! I have this all figured out! We go to LOS ANGELES! There are Mexicans in Los Angeles, and  Major League Soccer will pander to reward this very important soccer-loving demographic!

Don Garber: But Los Angeles already has a team...

Suit #2: But they don't have a MEXICAN team for all the Mexicans!

Suit #1: He's right! This is a formula for success! Let's launch an expansion team in our FLAGSHIP MARKET and reap the rewards! After all, who wants to settle for one cookie when you can have two!

Suit #1: By cookie I think you mean "enchilada," don't you?

Uproarious laughter echoes into the night. Finally, an awkward silence settles in. Don Garber has a solemn look on his face. He's had a realization. He knows what needs to be done.

Suit #1: What is it Don?

Don Garber: There are two things we need to do to ensure this expansion effort makes good financial sense. First, we are not going to forge ahead with some new team of comprised of random Mexican players... oh, no. We are going to clone an EXISTING team from Mexico... one that already has a dedicated and committed fan base... and we are going to bring them to Major League Soccer. 

Suit #2: I have every confidence that there is virtually noooo-oo-oo chance that this will alienate Los Angeles supporters of other Mexican clubs and polarize them against us. I am certain of this. Now what else, Dear Leader, what must be done?

Garber leans back in his seat and puts his feet up on the table. He lights a smoke and scratches his junk. 

Don Garber:  Our team of "MexiClones?" Yeah, they're gonna play in the SAME STADIUM as our flagship franchise. It's foolproof. I hope you boys enjoy counting money!

Fast forward to 2013 and imagine the crickets chirping:

Ouch.....

Which brings us to the chant du jour. It's a fun and silly tune that you'll recall from a bygone era when Seattle was slightly more tolerable than it is now, thanks largely to its music scene. 

To the tune of "Peaches" - Presidents Of The United States Of America:

Movin' to the country, gonna beat a lot of Chivas

Movin' to the country, gonna beat a lot of Chivas

Movin' to the country, gonna beat a lot of Chivas

Movin' to the country, gonna beat a lot of Chivas

Chivas where are your fans?

What's with all those empty stands?

Oh Chivas it's a shaaaa-aaa-aaame

If I had my little way

I'd play Chivas every day

Oh Chivas it's a shaaaa-aaa-aaame

Cheers,

@johnniemonster

R.E.M. - "The One I Love"

All right folks, time to share my earworm of the week.

I recently heard blast from the past on the radio that immediately implanted the seeds for a Whitecaps chant into the fertile soils of my brain. I don't know how I hadn't thought of this one sooner. It meets all of the necessary criteria for Monster-approved chants: 1) Simple. 2) Repetitive. 3) Recognizable. I hope you enjoy it.

Our inspiration comes all the way from 1987, a time when popular musical genres were bending and blending to such an extent that virtually any band that appealed to young people was called "alternative."  Such is the case of a little band from Athens, Georgia that made the leap from college radio to international superstardom.

No, it's not these guys...

  
It's these guys!

To the tune of "The One I Love" - R.E.M.


This one goes out to the one I love
This one goes out to the team I stand behind
A simple song
To occupy my time
This one goes out to the blue and white

Now follow the verse above with this bit below... generally follow the tune of  the lead guitar part that kicks in at the 1:45 mark. 

Whoa! La-la-la-la!
Whoa! La-la-la-la!
Whoa! La-la-la-la!
La-la la-la laaaaa la!
This one goes out to the blue and white


PS: I'd like to apologize to all you kids out there under the age of 30 with confused looks on their faces. These little boxes in my blog... you know, the ones that play songs along with the weird art school film shit... these are called "music videos." Years ago we had these channels called MuchMusic and MTV, and they would show these "music videos" all day. There were no shows about daft teen moms, orange-skinned douchebags or big-bootied Kardashians. Just music... and only music.

Your generation sucks and will be remembered in history accordingly.  :p

Cheers,

@johnniemonster

It's Time For The Awaydays!

YES! The Southsiders have just posted their tickets for the Cascadia Cup awaydays online!

Click here to begin your journey to football paradise!

It doesn't matter if you're a bright-eyed and bushy-tailed newbie or a cynical old Swangard oldtimer, this is the time for all Vancouver supporters to warm up the credit cards and pre-plan the sick days!

(Hello boss? Cough! Cough! It's that awful monkeypox acting up again! Aggravated my di-a-beetus too!)

The away matches to Seattle are incredible fun, and it's the optimal situation for first-timers just easing themselves into the Vancouver supporters community. Don't know anybody yet? Bollocks. Hop on the bus with the Southsiders and you'll have matchday pals for the rest of the season. It's that simple. Just add beer and watch the awesomeness grow before your eyes.

Yes, that's right, I forgot to mention the beer. You see, loyal readers (all six of you), once we enter the land of the free and the home of the brave, beer undergoes an amazing chemical tranformation where

a) it's suddenly cheaper than Coca Cola; and

b) it's suddenly safe for adults over the age of 21 to consume on a private charter bus!

High five, 'Merica!

Every Southsiders bus trip makes a snack and bevvie stop at the Cost Cutters in Blaine, a mystical place where you can buy 18 cans of beer for $15. Check out the flyer! It's our special way of celebrating our release from the dastardly clutches of the Department of Homeland Rubber Gloving.

Border waits aside, the travel to Seattle isn't all that long - maybe two hours, three if traffic is buggered.


(Seriously, Sounders: WTF is up with the line-ups between Seattle and Olympia? What's going on there?)

The Emerald City is a beautiful city with lots to see and do before and after the match. Pike Place Market is like Granville Island on steroids (in a good way), and you can venture over to the Experience Music Project to drool over Jimi Hendrix guitars or a plate of insanely good garlic fries.

The Seattle stadium experience is an incredible sight to behold, too. All 40,000 of those rave green eyesores stand the entire 90 minutes - men, women, kids, young and old alike. I really hope to see that in Vancouver some day. The standing, that is, not the retinal-scorching brain damage.

Seattle is also where magic happens. I saw this IN PERSON:

Did you see me in that video? Probably not, but rest assured I was one of hundreds of Vancouverites losing bladder control admidst the explosion of blue and white flags.

Now don't get me wrong... Seattle's great and all... but if you want to really earn your stripes, you MUST do an overnighter in Portland. The journey down is long (five hours after crossing the border), but there is plenty to pass the time. Take your pick of on-board entertainment, for example: we have movies on overhead TV sets, rowdy games of Battleshots (ask @djwendo), hilarious banter (ask @cayleestewart), and there's usually one or two rounds of  "How Did We Lose Those F---ing Australians Again?"

Then there's this:

You will be amazed at the sort of atmosphere Vancouver's supporters can generate with that wooden roof over our heads in Portland. It puts the noise levels of most matches at BC Place to shame, and I'm sincerely not exaggerating about that. Everybody who makes the trip goes because their heart is truly in it, and as you can tell from the video above, it DOES make a difference on the pitch. I also love to see the collaboration play out between the @Southsiders, @CurvaCollective and @RainCityBrigade all within a few sections of each other, side by side. Throw in the banter back and forth with the @TimbersArmy, and you've got yourself the greatest weekend a Vancouver soccer supporter could possibly hope for. Don't miss out!

Last year I organized a #CapsOnTour Portland post match dinner at a great Mexican restaurant and led a pub crawl down Burnside Avenue. Here's a link to the one and only #CapsOnTour party map of 2012!

As you can see I've got all the locations of the hotels, dormitories and a good selection of Portland pubbery to whet your whistle. Should we do it again? Mix it up a little? Let me know what you think, and perhaps I'll update the map for 2013.

Last but not least, we wouldn't be going anywhere this year if it wasn't for our tireless and incredibly humble Southsiders Director of Away Travel, Ms. Rebecca Contant (@shomgotoshi). Her task is one that is immensely complex, horribly time consuming, and only slightly more pleasant than attempting to herd feral cats into a Mr. Turtle pool. Please tweet her some gratitude for the insane amount of work she has been doing to ensure that folks like you and I get to enjoy ourselves. Thanks Rebecca!

The Cure - "Vancouver I'm In Love"

It's Friday! End of the week! It's a magical day that can mean a lot of different things to different people. Let's take a spin around YouTube and see what sort of songs people throughout Metro Vancouver are singing to celebrate.

We will start off with Metrotown's militia of teenage coffee baristas and the good folks at the G.F. Strong Brain Injury Clinic:

Not exactly appealing? Ok, why don't we skip ahead to a tune that is a particular favourite of the Surrey Central SkyTrain Fare Evaders Men's Choir?

For those of us who support the Whitecaps, Friday has a much different meaning. Half of all Fridays in 2013 will also be the eve of a Whitecaps game (we have 27 matches on Saturdays this season). What a fantastic way to celebrate the end of the work week!

Years ago, long before Vancouver even had a whiff of MLS expansion, people would often ask me about those crazy Southsiders at Swangard, and the concept of supporters groups in general - namely, "Why?"

There are many easy answers to this question when considered at surface level. Sports are fun. Fresh air and tailgate parties are fun. Cracking jokes and taking the piss out of the visitors are fun.

But the more I thought about it, the more I came to realize that there was more to it than that. It wasn't just about the entertainment factor. Those matches were about escapism. By standing with the Southsiders and other Whitecaps fans, it was my way of making a sneaky exit from my life as a 9 to 5 worker bee who was enslaved to the almighty dollar. For me, football was (and still is) the antithesis of toil and drudgery - it's freedom, even if it comes with sore lungs and the occasional heartache.

Football terraces and beer gardens are society's greatest equalizer. Vancouver's soccer supporters come from all walks of life, united in support of the Whitecaps. When we march to the match, the voice of the  impoverished student reverberates with the same resonance as the wealthiest doctor. When we clap in the stadium, the young girl from Langley chops the air with just as much ferocity as the old man from North Van. When we gather as a tribe to cheer for our beloved team, the lines that so often divide our society tend to disappear. I believe it was famed diplomat and Nobel Peace Prize winner Dr. Henry Kissinger who put it best when he said "That's fucking awesome."

Friday is worth celebrating. It's where the hope of escape from the rat race begins. Let's show some love and appreciation for those who will help us sneak under the fence at dawn.

To the tune of "Friday I'm In Love" - The Cure

When I see the white and blue
I raise my scarf and sing so true
[Opponent] I don't care 'bout you
Vancouver - I'm in love!


Chorus: 

Whoa-oh! Oh-oh! Oooooh!
Oh oh oooooh!
Whooooa! oh-oh-oh!
Vancouver - I'm in love!

Enjoy the weekend!
@johnniemonster

Payola$ - "Hands Of A Wanker"

In the good old days at Swangard, the Southsiders stood at pitch level about 10 feet behind the southern goal. That made for some interesting interactions with visiting goalkeepers, as they often found themselves subjected to a barrage of insults about their mothers, girlfriends and personal misfortunes.

Take RSL keeper Josh Saunders, for instance (seen here playing for LA Galaxy). Between 2003 - 2008 he played for several second division clubs, including the Portland Timbers, the Puerto Rico Islanders and Miami FC.

In 2007 the Timbers eliminated the Whitecaps 3-1 on aggregate in the first round of the USL playoffs. The story goes that Saunders hit the pubs with his teammates to celebrate their victory, and later that night he was arrested after he was caught drunk driving at high speed through a construction zone.

From that point forward, this is what Saunders heard every time he touched the ball in Vancouver:

There's another visiting goalkeeper whose name escapes me at the moment... we found out he had briefly dated a smoking hot swimwear model who dumped him to shack up with one of the Backstreet Boys. Now imagine you're that poor bastard, slogging it out for a semi-professional soccer team. You come to Vancouver to earn an honest wage, and suddenly find your personal life has inspired an entire beer garden of rowdy Canadians to taunt you with a special rendition of "Tell Me Why (I'm Such A F---ing Loser!)"

Oh, and did I mention that we held up photos of his ex-girlfriend to remind him what a schmuck he was?

No matter what way you cut it, it's our job as supporters to get under the skin of the visiting keeper. Supporters DO influence what happens on the pitch. If you can get into their head, they are not giving the match their full concentration... and that can mean the difference between a great save for the visitors or a cheeky goal for the Whitecaps.

So without further adieu, I encourage you to partake in this lovely Southsiders classic inspired by one of Vancouver's best bands of the 80s.

To the tune of "Eyes Of A Stranger" - Payola$

Your keeper senses a danger
He's got the hands of a wanker!
Your keeper sees a danger
He's got the haaaaaaaaaands of a wanker!

The best example for this kicks in at the 1:48 mark.

Enjoy!
@johnniemonster

#WhitecapsWednesday

#WhitecapsWednesday is a fun concept that was initiated by the Southsiders to get people across BC talking about the Blue & White. The idea is simple: Each Wednesday you tweet photos of your Caps kits and memorabilia with the hashtag #WhitecapsWednesday. Fans are also encouraged to wear their Caps gear to work, as this is a sure fire way to engage friends and coworkers about taking part in the city's best sports experience, bar none.

As some of you know I'm about to become a father, with the stork due to deliver our wee son on May 1st. I've spent a few weekends preparing the baby's room, so this #WhitecapsWednesday I thought I would share the work in progress.

Ok, so we've got the white crib fully assembled, and the walls have been painted a lovely Whitecaps sky blue. Add to that we have the old rocking chair (that was my mom's when I was first born!) and a new set of cushions in Whitecaps deep sea blue. What you don't see here is the old dresser my father in law had as a child, and I've also painted that white to go with the crib.

Something's missing though.... oh yeah!

 

I guess I need to find somewhere to hang this up, eh? 

If you love the Caps, please spread the word and jump on board with #WhitecapsWednesday. It might seem like a silly endeavour at the surface, but little things like this help grow the supporters community and make what we do mean so much more. Remember that we are in a city where hockey reigns supreme and hogs the spotlight. Wearing your Whitecaps shirt or your supporters scarf to work or even to the grocery store sends a message that we're here and we're damn proud of our team.

We're Blue, We're White

@johnniemonster

Duran Duran - "His Name Is Reo"

Another Whitecap who has impressed in the early matches of the young 2013 season is Nigel Reo-Coker. He's a midfield maestro who has an impressive resume that includes stints at Wimbledon, West Ham, Aston Villa, Bolton and Ipswich Town.

Now maybe you've already seen this and washed out your eyesockets with bleach... you usually have to go to the Mirage nightclub in Surrey if you want to see track pants and baby fat of this caliber:

Sorry about that, but there's a point to this, I swear! That sassy little chant has followed NRC from club to club in the UK, and I've heard it at BC Place a few times too. It is actually derived from this painful abomination of 80s British pop music:

That's Black Lace performing "Do The Conga" in 1984. If I ever acquire a DeLorean and some black market plutonium, I will travel through time and prevent this from happening. ALL OF IT.

In the mean time, what can we possibly do to rectify this horrifying injustice that has been inflicted upon our eyes and ears?

How about this? To the tune of "Rio" by Duran Duran:

His name is Reo-Coker
Catch him if you can
He plays for Van-cou-ver
And he's the f---ing man! 

Note to the Southsiders on-field capos... if you are asked about this one by the Whitecaps FO, that last line quite clearly says "And he's an English man." Foul language at football? Never!

Jump to the 1:00 mark of this video for the chorus. Cheers!

@johnniemonster

The Beatles - "Kenny You're A Rich Man"

Kenny Miller has been simply amazing the first two matches of this season. I can only assume the aerodynamically-domed Scotsman has made off with some of YP Lee's secret stash, because he's looking  younger, fitter, faster and more focused than last year. Marvellous stuff to see such a rejuvenation in the making.

Years of leading chants has taught me that you just can't go wrong with a Beatles tune. People will pick up on the tune right away, and they'll even hum or la-la-la their way through it if they don't know all the words.

So here's a brand new one, fresh from the oven, to serenade our big money striker from Scotland The Brave.

To the tune of: "Baby You're A Rich Man" - The Beatles

Kenny you're a rich man!
Kenny you're a rich man!
Kenny you're a rich man too!
He keeps all his money in a shortbread tin
For Irn Bru! 
What a thing to do!

If you haven't had Irn Bru before, you're missing out. It's a strangely delicious yet completely indescribable Scottish soft drink. It's orange in colour, but doesn't remotely taste like Orange Crush. I'm not going to even try to explain it, but feel free to ask Kenny, Rennie or @aftncanada .

Here's the corresponding music video. Jump ahead to the 1:15 mark.

Sex Pistols - "I Am A Vancouverite!"

A lot of people have asked me to post this one since I first belted it out at a Southsiders function a few nights before the first match of the season. This little earworm has apparently crawled into a few people's brains and has been gnawing at their grey matter ever since.

I can't take full creative credit - I heard a variation of this one online quite some time ago, but for the life of me I don't know where it was or who did it. At any rate, I've put our stamp on it for the good people of Vancouver, and I encourage you to channel your inner Johnny Rotten and growl it out as loud as you can.

To the tune of : "Anarchy In The UK" - Sex Pistols

Start it off with a few bars to mimic the rhythm of the guitars:

doo-doo! doo-doo! doo-doo! dee-DOO-doo!
doo-doo! doo-doo! doo-doo! dee-DOO-doo!
doo-doo! doo-doo! doo-doo! dee-DOO-doo!
doo-doo! doo-doo! doo-doo! dee-DOO-doo!

I am a Vancouverite!
I cheer for the blue and white!
Know what I want, know how to get it
(yelling:) I WANT TO DESTROY T-F-C!* 
Cos iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii wanna beeeeeeee
White! Caps! FC!

Rinse and repeat, and you're off to the riots. *Substitute Mon-tre-al!, Se-att-le! Ed-mon-ton! etc

Happy sneering!
@johnniemonster

Here We Go, Here We Go, Here We Gooo-oo!

Hello everyone,

Welcome to Johnnie Monster FC, where the FC stands for "football chants" and the rest of us stand the full 90 minutes.

Some of you will know me through my long association with the Vancouver Southsiders. I was first introduced to the group during its humble beginnings all the way back in 1999, when a small but determined group of Vancouver 86ers fans came together to support the team the way soccer fans do at hundreds of storied grounds abroad - standing up, cheering, chanting and singing their guts out from first whistle to last.

Though I hardly knew a soul at those first few matches in Swangard's south end beer garden, it wasn't long before I found myself thoroughly swept up in dozens of great friendships that last to this day. Though we were small in numbers, we sang our hearts out match after match... because it just felt wrong not to. I knew very soon after joining in with this tremendous experience that I wanted to work with like-minded fans to bring authentic football supporters culture to "NoFuncouver." Call me crazy, but I had faith that with time, effort and persistence, it was possible to win over the hearts and minds of the doubting masses.

The road ahead was a long one indeed, for in those days our style of support was a truly alien concept to the typical North American sports fan. We endured scores of complaints from the "family friendly soccer-tainment" types. We were harassed endlessly by security. We were dismissed, mocked, ignored and cast aside as nerds and nutjobs with delusions of bringing something to Vancouver they felt we had no business pursuing: a good, noisy time at "the fitba."

Well guess what?

The video above shows the Southsiders on their first ever march from Doolin's Irish Pub to the Whitecaps' first match at BC Place in 2012. This thriving, bustling march just might be the best "I told you so!" moment I've ever experienced in my life, and it was frickin' glorious.

Now fast forward a year later: In the city where hockey reigns supreme, the Southsiders are held up as an example for how fans of the almighty Vancouver Canucks should aspire to be. Not bad, eh?

Over the years I've been proud to lend my support to some of the Southsiders' best moments on and off the pitch. It's not been easy to get where we are today. I've lost countless hours of sleep. I've sat on committees. I've written and reported. I've been interviewed. I've raised funds for charitable causes. I've fought with wealthy developers seeking to destroy our dreams of a waterfront stadium by turning the city against us. I've squared off against corporate executives who have tried to steal from the very people whose hard-earned cash makes soccer such a lucrative business. I've even endured a rancid shower of garbage thrown at me by an angry mob of Honduran supporters... all for football in Vancouver.

This year I fully retired from the leadership side of the Southsiders in anticipation of starting a family with my wife, who just might be the most patient and understanding Whitecaps widow in our city's history. Stepping back has given me the wonderful opportunity to get back to supporting the Caps without feeling like I'm shouldering an Atlas-sized burden of responsibilities around the clock. To my friends on the Southsiders board of directors (and all of our many other volunteers), thank you very much for stepping up and giving back - Vancouver simply doesn't get to enjoy this magic unless somebody is backstage stuffing bunnies into the top hats. You ladies and gentlemen rock. Take a bow.

I've often said that the only permanent jobs in football are the supporters. We'll outlast every last one of the modern football suits, and we will sing with joy as the doors hit their asses on the way out.

And that is where this blog comes in.

The Johnnie Monster FC blog is going to be a bit of an interesting experiment. There was a time not so long ago when my booming voice was loud enough to ensure the 200 people around me in the Swangard beer garden could quickly join in with whatever song, chant or cheeky nonsense I'd just come up with on the fly. BC Place, however, is a much larger beast to contend with... and at times it is a stone deaf, stubborn and immovable bastard.

With our numbers nearing 1,500 paid members scattered across multiple sections, it's only the first few rows of 251 who are subjected to the Monster's madness on match days. Maybe that's a good thing! On the other hand, if you're keen to spread the supporters gospel and make BC Place a little slice of Europa... lend me your ear, and I'll sing you a song... and I'll try not to sing out of key.  =)

Cheers,

@johnniemonster